(Gawker) Ashton’s hot blonde lover tells all. Kristen Stewart says her teachers failed her. Beyonce says her bump is real. Rashida Jones poses in bunny ears and calls penises “unsexy.” Wednesday gossip lasts for hours.

• Finally, the logical conclusion of Ashton Kutcher naked hot tub party-gate arrives: 22-year-old Sarah Leal tells “her side of the story” about fucking Ashton Kutcher twice on the morning of his and Demi Moore‘s six-year wedding anniversary, to two media outlets. For the American press, she told the tale to Us. Juiciest detail: raw dogging.
  

  “He just came up and kissed me,” the Texas native tells Us of Kutcher’s first bold move in the wee hours; minutes later, Leal, Kutcher and another young woman were completely nude and in a hot tub on the balcony. When Kutcher claimed that he was “separated” from wife Moore, 48, Leal tells Us she believed him.

  After retreating to Kutcher’s bedroom past 6 a.m., “he lost his towel and I took my robe off,” Leal says. “Then we had sex.”

  “He was good,” Leal reveals. “It wasn’t weird or perverted.” It also wasn’t 100 percent safe, either: Leal tells Us that Kutcher did not wear a condom during their one-on-one encounter.

  For the British press, she told a somewhat raunchier tale to The Sun. Juiciest details: Endurance, self-congratulations, and a claim that Ashton “wanted a threesome.”

  We had sex twice. Everything felt natural. We were having a good time. One thing led to another. He was good but it wasn’t weird or perverted or creepy. I was attracted to him and he was attracted to me. He had great endurance. We were up for a while. It was about two hours.

  The last thing I remember him saying was he did a good job. We woke up and I was wearing a robe. He opened it up and I was like, ‘What are you doing?’ He was like, ‘Just checking. OK, I did good! You’re really pretty.’

  “He was like, ‘I enjoy things like this because I’m an actor 90 percent of the time and it’s fake. It’s nice to have moments that are real.’” Fatal last words. [Us, Sun, images viaWENN]

• Beyonce‘s publicist on her client’s fake baby bump rumor: “Stupid, ridiculous, and false.” So why did the bump cave in, fold in half, and slide into B’s crotch on live TV? Stiffly starched dress created tenting situation? Bulletproof bump-armor caves in? [ABCNews]
• Speaking of Beyonce, she is designing a maternity line. Big untapped market of pregnant women who dance in stilettos while wearing sequined leotards, out there. [Bazaar, People]